Homo - Land Security

Pairs of security personnel consisting of one TSA official and one Christian

fundamentalist are now stationed at all major airports in the U.S. Areas of scrutiny

ostensibly focus on country of origin and nationality, but now also appear to

include appearance, dress and other signs of "un-American" values.

A Lebanese theatrical company was refused entry at JFK Airport in New York

yesterday, but there are conflicting reasons for the denial. The TSA reports the

group was turned away because of their ties to Lebanon. A Christian Coalition

spokesman claims the reason was based on their "deviant lifestyle" and a

"clearly gay agenda ". Forced to cancel their national tour of "Damn Yankees,"

a spokesperson for the troupe, The Lebanese Thespians, stated they would

take their shows to Canada.

The International Florists Convention in Chicago was canceled when delegates

from around the world were turned back at O’Hare. A small riot broke out

when a group from Holland was informed they would not be allowed into the US.

No one was injured, but several "man purses" were confiscated and one traveler

was held for several hours after calling a police officer a “brute” and slapping his

face with a bouquet of tulips.

At Los Angeles International Airport, a group of women from Hamburg faired

better when they were detained but released after several hours. After a

lengthy interrogation, it was determined they were in fact, German tourists,

and not lesbians.